The Call of Samuel

Today's reading recounting the call of Samuel got me thinking. Our call comes from what wakes us up. Samuel is asleep, and is awakened by something. He doesn't know what it is that awakens him and mistakes it for Eli.

My own experience of call is one of awakening but also a similar confusion. What is it that is waking me up. I've mistaken it several times, like Samuel. Fortunately, Eli doesn't have a choice. My heart has realized some of the false things that I thought had awakened me. I know there are more. My career is one thing that I think should awaken to, but it is becoming clearer that it is only God that will satisfy.

Yesterday I was reading Nouwen's, The Inner Voice of Love and he writes:

There is a deep hole in your being, like an abyss. You will never succeed in filling that hole, because your needs are inexhaustible. You have to work around it so that gradually the abyss closes.
Since the hole is so enormous and your anguis so deep, you will always be temped to flee from it. There are two extremes to avoid: being completely absorbed in your pain [I have been experiencing that far to much lately], and being distracted by so many things that you stay far away from the wound you want to heal.

The call is to engage the pain of life. The pain awakens us, like Samuel was awakened. However, the challenge is to let that pain speak. Let the pain teach us and call us to God and not to avoidance (Eli). Eventually all Eli's will fail and we will be confronted with the pain of life that we have been avoiding. Maybe this is purgatory? Anyway, I'm rambling. I am glad this is a private blog and no one else will see this.