Nostalgia

This morning as I was shoveling snow, I was thinking about my class reunion coming up this summer and wondering what I would say to my classmates.

One phrase kept coming to my mind.

At one point in our lives, it seemed that "the future's so bright I gotta wear shades." It seemed like we were on top of the world. Now, at least for me, it feels like the world is on top of me. What happened?

I don't know what happened. Is growing up all about losing optimism or is it about gaining wisdom? What does hope look like after, or in the midst of, a mid-life crisis?

Hope is the key virtue of our time. The poster of Obama with the single word, HOPE on it has captured the imagination of many people. Hope.

I titled this post nostalgia and maybe nostalgia is an attempt to find hope in the past. It was good then, or at least the way we remember it was good - so it will be good again. Goodness is possible.

I don't know. I thought I had more insight while shoveling snow. It seemed wise at the time but now it seems trite.

Hope.

The Call of Samuel

Today's reading recounting the call of Samuel got me thinking. Our call comes from what wakes us up. Samuel is asleep, and is awakened by something. He doesn't know what it is that awakens him and mistakes it for Eli.

My own experience of call is one of awakening but also a similar confusion. What is it that is waking me up. I've mistaken it several times, like Samuel. Fortunately, Eli doesn't have a choice. My heart has realized some of the false things that I thought had awakened me. I know there are more. My career is one thing that I think should awaken to, but it is becoming clearer that it is only God that will satisfy.

Yesterday I was reading Nouwen's, The Inner Voice of Love and he writes:

There is a deep hole in your being, like an abyss. You will never succeed in filling that hole, because your needs are inexhaustible. You have to work around it so that gradually the abyss closes.
Since the hole is so enormous and your anguis so deep, you will always be temped to flee from it. There are two extremes to avoid: being completely absorbed in your pain [I have been experiencing that far to much lately], and being distracted by so many things that you stay far away from the wound you want to heal.

The call is to engage the pain of life. The pain awakens us, like Samuel was awakened. However, the challenge is to let that pain speak. Let the pain teach us and call us to God and not to avoidance (Eli). Eventually all Eli's will fail and we will be confronted with the pain of life that we have been avoiding. Maybe this is purgatory? Anyway, I'm rambling. I am glad this is a private blog and no one else will see this.

1-18-09 Reflections on Snow Shoveling and Prayer

I've always wanted to write an article on snow shoveling and prayer. OK, not always, just since I moved to WI and started to try to find meaning in snow shoveling (there is certainly a lot of it to do).

Teresa of Avila has the classic analogy of prayer as going through stages similar to watering a garden. First, one begins by hauling the water from a nearby stream. Then a pump is put in and the water is pumped. Third, the garden is irragated and comes with little or no effort. Finally, rain pours down from above. Prayer works the same way. At first it takes a lot effort. After some time prayer rains down with no effort from the one praying.

Snow shoveling.... When we first moved to WI we just had a shovel. It was a lot of work to shovel just a little snow. Now we have a "snow scoop" which makes it a lot easier. It still takes effort, but not quite as much. Eventually, we may move on to a snowblower and eventually the sun will come out and melt the snow.